Discipline and Good Behavior

As mothers we are responsible for your child’s actions and behavior. But, it is not  easy to inculcate discipline and good behavior. Kids try crazy things as per adult standards like, climbing on table, running on street and so on. Their action follows impulse, with no thought in between.

Connecting with your child helps. Discipline and good behavior is grounded on a healthy relationship between parent and child. Connected parents become their own experts on their own child, so they know what behavior is appropriate to expect and how to convey these expectations. Connected children know what behavior parents expect and make an effort to behave this way because they want to please their parents. Together these parents and children develop a style of discipline that works for them.

 It is important to note that our child watches us. Any misbehavior or wrong act will be imitated by our child.

Have conversations with your child. During bed-time make-up stories that reflect good behavior and consequences of bad behavior.

Tell her your experience as a child when you didn’t listen to your parent and paid for it. Also, some good examples. The key is to get behind the eyes of your child.

 Do share your experience on how you handle this important responsibility.

Attitude Matters

Attitude Matters

There is no end to happiness of a Mother. Good potty, 5 rotis, 10 hrs sleep, good grades, 1^st six hit and much more, it depends on how much one can experience. At the same time we should note that happiness comes with difficulty and pain. But, All’s well that ends well.

3 years ago I got my daughter married, love marriage. My son-in-law is a gem of a person. We as a family are lucky to have found such a good match for her. During her marriage I frequently looked back in time. The day I got married, my three kids. Life has been tough and kind at the same time. I had my share of post marriage adjustments & disappointments.

Life was moving ahead happily. My daughter became mother of a baby girl. All was prefect until recently. During my casual visit to her I sensed something wrong. Late in the night she suddenly started crying, inconsolable. You can understand my plight then. At midnight she told me that in an argument my son-in-law said that he had lost interest in her. That night my poor baby cried to sleep.

Morning over bed tea we spoke. I made her understand that there is basic difference between men and women. Men may not be as emotional as women and sometimes might say things that they real don’t mean. I don’t know why do they do that, but they are known to do that.

Later during breakfast I noticed that he cared for her and he had made mistake by making a wrong statement. Once he left for work we spent the day shopping, calling parlour lady at home. We had fun-time. I was happy because my baby was. She looked much better after her hair cut and in her new outfit.  She has actually lost herself in motherhood. I arranged for candle light dinner in a nearby restaurant for both of them. I stayed home with my granddaughter.

Next morning my daughter got me bed tea. She thanked me for making her understand what had gone wrong. She thought she understood the problem. But No! she had not understood it all, there was more.

During rest of the day we discussed attach-detach theory. That we should set limits to everything we do, so that we don’t lose ourselves. In any scenario we should not lose our identity. We should be attached to our loved ones at the same time we should be able to be detached from them.

If you are happy, you can make others happy. If you maintain interest in yourself no one can lose interest in you.

So my request to all Mothers is that love yourself, treat yourself as an individual and not as catalyst all the time. I am sure your Mother would love to see you happy and so would you to see you daughter. Celebrate every moment. Add more happiness to life with a positive attitude. Be good!

Beautiful world is waiting for you, if you aren’t there ALREADY!

Take Care - Keep Smiling!!!

The cutest smile is that of babies. And the best one is that of my baby. Every mother believes it. So do, I.

To make sure that this cute, sweet smile never fades, take care. Take care - start early. Quintessence of a smile is health teeth. If ignored leads to serious problems. 

Some Facts:

• Parents often don't think about oral hygiene until their baby gets his/her first tooth.
• Dental caries (tooth decay) can attack the teeth at any age.
• If care is not taken, milk tooth caries can reach the roots. This might need root canal treatment. A painful experience for both parents and child.

When to Start

• Before your baby gets his/her first baby tooth, that you should wipe your baby's gums with a soft washcloth or soft infant toothbrush and water each day, best time is during bath.
• Once your baby has several teeth, you might try using a small toothbrush with just two or three rows of very soft bristles.

Some useful tips

• Avoid your baby fall asleep with a bottle of milk nursing at night once he/she has teeth.
• Between the age of 1 and 2, clean the teeth of your child with a small toothbrush and soft toothpaste without fluoride. Train your child to spit the toothpaste out of his/her mouth.
• Always help your child to finish brushing his/her teeth. Usually, until the child is about 7-8 years old, he/she is not able to do a good job on his own.
• Do everything possible to make tooth brushing a fun activity!
• Let you child choose his/her toothbrush with his/her favorite cartoon characters.
• Set an example by brushing teeth before your child. Play your child’s favorite music. Laugh and make noises! Make it a game and make it fun!
• Do not forget to replace your child’s toothbrush every 2-3months.
• Brush twice a day: in the morning and before the bedtime.

And don’t forget. Keep Smiling!!!!

Selfie

Birth, education, work, marriage and motherhood, throughout I have been in a metro. For the past three years I am confined to family life. Day starts at home and ends at home….24 hours with my child. There are short visits to the outside world, for a change.

I am thankful to social networking sites; they keep me updated on latest happenings. Latest being the election fever. Most of my friends have posted their pics with captions like flaunt your finger, got inked, my vote and so on. Few pics which had both face and finger mentioned ‘Selfie’. ‘Selfie’ to me sounds like ‘Selfish’. But, people use this word with confidence and pride. Wonder what’s wrong with me. Am I moving backwards in time? Should I blame my confinement or seeks my granny’s shelter?

Wise Friend advised:

Baby, just let it BE!

World is ever changing can’t you see

You are unique for the choices you make

Be yourself, do not fake.

A page from A Book Called Mother

Today results of 9^th grade were announced. A dark cloud surrounded me when I learnt that my child is weak in Maths. Not that I was unaware of it. But here, weak in Maths means, Math as a subject cannot be opted for. In simple words no engineering, no architecture, no flied that involves Maths.

Both of us were quite on our way home. I was trying to figure out a wise way to handle the situation. Teenage so venerable and career… foundation of rest of the life. Whom should I compare with losers or winners? Should I be calm or imposing? Where did I go wrong?

Countless thoughts of all sorts came to my mind throughout the day. After dinner, a mother spoke at length and slowly at mid-night the dark clouds parted to give way to the vast brightness beyond it. 

No matter what, no matter how, In any situation a Mother can find a way out

Inspiring woman of India

Right To Information

RTI: Right to Information Act 2005 mandates timely response to citizen requests for government information.

Right to Information includes the right to:

1. Inspect works, documents, and records.
2. Take notes, extracts or certified copies of documents or records.
3. Take certified samples of material.
4. Obtain information in form of printouts, diskettes, floppies, tapes, video , cassettes or in any other electronic mode or through printouts.

Who can ask for information

• Any Indian citizen can ask for information under this Act. The Act extends to the whole of India except the State of Jammu and Kashmir.

• OCI's (Overseas Citizens of India) and PIO's (Persons of Indian Origin) card holders can also ask for information under the RTI Act.

The application should be addressed to the Public Information Officer (PIO) of the concerned public authority in writing in English or Hindi or in the official language of the area in which the application is made.

Who is Public Information Officer?

PIOs Public Information Officer, are officers designated by the public authorities in all administrative units or offices under it to provide information to the citizens requesting for information under the Act.

Any officer, whose assistance has been sought by the PIO for the proper discharge of his or her duties, shall render all assistance and for the purpose of contraventions of the provisions of this Act, such other officer shall be treated as a PIO. 

FEES:

Fee for seeking information is Rs, 10/- which can be paid to the Accounts Officer of the public authority. Mode of payment can be cash, DD, cheque or postal order.

Time limit for disposing-off applications is 30 days in normal course and 48 hrs if it concerns the life or liberty of a person.

Success story of RTI:

THE AASHIANA rape victim’s father has turned to the Right to Information Act in a bid to pin the accused down.

Sabruddin has filed an application at the district magistrate’s office under the Act. He has sought information on whether three of the accused, who are lodged in a juvenile jail, are actually minors.

While surrendering in court, the trio had submitted documents which said they were minors. They are on trial in a juvenile court. The rest of the accused are facing trial in the court of the additional district judge.

Sabruddin wants to know if the three accused possess arms licences. If these licences have been issued in their names, no other evidence is required to prove that the accused are not juvenile.

Sabruddin will also seek information from the Regional Transport Officer’s office on whether driving licences were issued in their names.  He said, “They are not juvenile. All the evidence supporting their claim is fake.”  The victim, too, had said that the accused were not juvenile. The father, however, feared that influential family members of the main accused could cause obstacles in getting details from the departments concerned.

The main accused, nephew of a don-turned ruling party leader, had first surrendered before a court and claimed he was a minor. Earlier, he had obtained a stay against arrest from the High Court. Police investigation and the evidence corroborated that the don’s nephew was the first to abduct the girl from Aashiana area on May 2, 2004.

This was confirmed by the victim herself. The car used in the crime was owned by the elder brother of the main accused. The victim had also stated that it was this youth only who was leading a group of goons in the car.

The girl was later taken to the Kapoorthala shop of the youth and  from there to a plot owned by the family of the main accused. The accused had taken turns on the girl there, too, before throwing her out of the car near Daliganj railway crossing in a semi-unconscious and critically injured state.

To read more of the success stories visit: http://right2information.wordpress.com/category/rti-success-stories/

Welcome monsoon 2013

We Met

It was a summer afternoon. I was waiting for her at Ahmedabad Railway Station. It was our 1^st meet after becoming friends online.

 From Mumbai I had come to Ahmedabad for an exhibition. She was being re-located from Jammu to Jamnagar. It was sheer coincidence that we happened to be in Gujarat, Ahmedabad on the same day, almost at the same time.

 I arrived and waited for her. As per train schedule I had to wait for 40 mins. But, her train got delayed and I had to wait for more than 90 mins. Was curious and anxious at the same time. As the time passed I also became nervous.

 Looking back at how we became friends, I remembered how she had investigated about me. Her interrogative nature was welcomed, her curiosity appreciated. Knowing her was like rediscovering me. Within few chatting sessions we realised we were already good friends. I am happy she became my friend, glad that we sincerely took efforts; we still do, to be in contact in spite of responsibilities and distances between us.

 I have made many friends through this blog, all from different culture and background. We are friends, all of us different from each other, also alike in a way or other. Knowingly or unknowingly you all have become a part of my life. As I pondered, the train arrived. My special friend was right in front of me. My first friend through the blog and the first I met

 We spent barely 15 mins chatting, and it was time to depart. Meeting Prachi and her kids Mihtit & Mehul at the station was for a very short time but I am sure this sweet memory will last for years to come. 

That was how I met my soul mate. When ‘We Met’. 

There are enough reasons to fall in love, look around, there is no dearth.

Celebrate if you have already found a friend soul mate.

If not, 

then be happy, because you are going to fall in love again.

Let’s fall in Love with Her….. Again

Falling in love is such a wonderful feeling. Words can’t describe it well.

When, I first saw him, my would-be life partner I had my apprehensions. But slowly, gradually I fell in love with him. I was so lost is love that I took it for granted. And lived with it, without caring for it. It always surrounded me; in quarrels, birthdays, anniversaries, picnic, vacation and more. During bad times I always thought that love comes only if exchanged. And in exchange what I received was always less L

Then I saw dawn of the day; when I was holding my baby. Each day my love grew and still does for her. With no exchange offer. No mater what she does, no matter how she is, my love never lessens. I am sure it won’t lessen in future too when I grow old, when she is married and busy with my grandchildren. She too loves me, no doubt about it. 

My dear friend do you realise there is a woman in your life who is in love with you.

She has been there, went through and moving ahead on the path called motherhood.

Loving you each day unconditionally. Today is the day to show her that you care. Share your love. Fall in love with her again. As a baby you loved her….now as a mother love her again.

This Diwali, I am Eco-friendly...Are You?

Did you know that diyas lit on the moonless Diwali night signify the end of darkness of ignorance and beginning of light that enlightens all?  This Diwali lets throw light on the hazards that boisterous Diwali celebrations pose to our  environment.

For most people lighting of firecrackers is the highlight of Diwali. Brighter the sparkles, louder the noise, greater the thrill! In fact to many of us, these aesthetic forms of light seem appropriate and most essential when celebrating the 'Festival of Lights'. But little do people realise that the high level of noise generated by the crackers cause immense suffering not only to humans but also to birds and animals.

 The hazards posed by excessive noise pollution are:

•  Hearing loss, high blood pressure, heart attack and sleep disturbances.
•  Sudden exposure to loud noise could cause temporary deafness or permanent relative deafness.

In our increasingly populated and polluted cities, the temporary joy of watching the firecrackers is soon replaced by high level of air pollution. The toxic substances used in firecrackers release toxic gases that are harmful for of all living beings. Harmful effects of chemicals used in firecrackers cause respiratory diseases,

affects nervous system, causes skin problems, vomiting and the dust & fumes can cause metal fume fever.

Sadly, few of us realise that firecrackers are mostly made by very young children. Since the substances being handled are extremely toxic many of these child labourers get sick and die in their early teenage years.

So, this time think twice before you burst fireworks….

Excessive consumerism

Shopping plays a major role in our Diwali celebrations - many people believe that it is a good time to buy.  Often, people buy new items even when they don't need them. This significantly impacts our natural resources.

How does this increased consumption affect Nature?

We must realise that all items produced are made from natural resources. Be it plastic, metal, paper or cloth - all of these raw materials come directly from nature. Sources that are non-renewable such as fossil fuels and metal ores get depleted. Depletion of non-renewable natural resources is one of the most significant impacts of consumerism.

Another effect of consumerism is the creation of solid-waste, which is non-biodegradable. This has to be buried into holes dug up in the ground. These 'land fills' as they are called may exist for centuries without completely getting integrated into the soil. The plastic toys that you are throwing away today, may exist in a landfill several generations after yours!

Five Principles of Nature Conservation

1.  Reduce : the amount of things we use

2.  Reuse : the things we have in different forms until we have absolutely               
                 no use for them

3.  Recycle : items that are no longer functional

4.  Rethink: the choices we make when deciding to buy something 

5.  Refuse: things that we do not need at all

So this Diwali, follow above five principles before you buy/accept.

High energy consumption

The festival of lights adds to a considerably heavy load on electrical energy sources which are already overloaded. The use of electric lights to adorn homes, business establishments, monuments and roads requires a huge amount of electricity. The older tradition of burning oil lamps is a possible alternative to electric lights - even though it does use oil, the duration of the lamps is shorter.

                                                                                   

Wish You Happy & Safe Diwali...

Dear Friends

Thank you for accepting my friendship.

Today this id and blog completes a year. Throughout the year you have been supportive towards my efforts in recognising and appreciating Motherhood. Your comments and likes on my status update means a lot, so does your comments on blog articles.

Every time you read, comment and like my post it makes me believe that all mothers are alike. No matter where we are, in Jammu, Chennai, Surat or Assam we face similar challenges, emotions and are proud in rearing the next generation.  

A year back when I initiated, I was doubtful whether I would continue to post beyond a month or two. But, soon I realised a mother has lot to share. Every moment is a story in itself. 

I began single - today we are almost 200……together. Though we don’t know each other personally we are still connected daily. It’s our kids who have brought us together. I firmly believe this association will prove to be fruitful for each one of us. So, participate actively and explore new horizons. 

Requesting you to continue your support and suggest your friends to join-in. Become a part of the community, which is for us – Mothers. 

I once again thank you and wish you happy Motherhood!

Sindhutai a Woman of Substance

Sindhutai Sapkal, 62, wears cotton sari, no jewellery only a large bindi and a warm smile.

Her story so far: she is a farmer’s daughter from Wardha, Maharastra. A class 5 dropout.  At age of 12, she was sent to her in-laws home, were she was beaten, mistreated and overworked. At age 24, she was thrown out of home after a domestic dispute. She was then 9 months pregnant.

She delivered her daughter in a cowshed, cutting the umbilical cord with a sharpened stone. For livelihood she sang and begged on trains.  In her worst phase of life she tried to commit suicide thrice but, survived.  While she begged she saw urchins living on platforms and tired to take care of them by sharing food. 

Six months after her daughter was born, she made her toughest decision and some say most brutal-decision. She left her daughter at a social welfare trust in Pune. And she began to adopt urchins living on platforms.

For the next 13 years, Sapkal cared for street children and urchins with funds she could raise from her singing and begging and with donations she solicited through powerful speeches. In 1986, she registered her 1^st orphanage in Amravati.

Nearly, 2 decades after her 1^st orphanage was opened, she got word that her husband, then 75 was ailing and alone. He was old and orphan. She had to help him. Now she has 4 orphanages and is a beloved Mai (Mother) to more than 1,000 orphans.

Along the way, Sapkal gave up her daughter so as to remain impartial to her other children, forgave and nursed her husband on his deathbed than reconciled with her child after 20 years. As a mother she was worried that her daughter would never understand why she had to leave her. But now she is with her again and this makes her believe that she did the right thing.

Many of the children that she adopted are well educated lawyers and doctors, and some including her biological daughter are running their independent orphanages. One of her child is doing phd on her life. Till date she is honoured by 272 awards. She used all that money to buy land to make home for her orphan children.

All these years, she went about her work quietly, begging, pleading and struggling to find money and resources. She came into limelight after a film was made on her life. If you know of an individual who has been working like her but has not been appreciated, then please start posting about them on social networking sites. It will definitely help them in fund-raising and encourage others in participating.

*·        *Extracts from Hindustan Times and Websites.

Monsoon Mania

Monsoon has arrived in Mumbai and is loving its stay here. Showers in morning, showers in noon, in the evening and at night. Days are dark and nights darker. Cold breeze blowing getting temperatures lower.

Thursday was the day rains began. It poured unexpectedly all over Mumbai and most of us didn’t have umbrella. I was one of them. I was forced to venture in the rains as my kid and guests waited for me.

  

Next day I woke with cold, fever and sore throat. The scenario from my window was the same, dark clouds pouring. My little son came up to me all excited about the rains. There was something special about his excitement. It was infectious. I too began to enjoy the scene. Wet roads, water filled pot holes, colourful umbrellas and raincoats. Birds hiding from rain while few street dogs enjoying the rains. We sat by the window wetted out hands and sprinkled water on each other.

Now, the child in me was growing bolder. Ideas crept in making leaps forward. I asked my son, “Would you like to go for a walk?” I knew he would agree so did he. Soon we were on the street heading towards playground. Our pants folded, holding an umbrella and giggling most of the time.

We walked hand-in-hand while it continued to pour. To our surprise there were enthusiastic lads playing football in the playground. Every kick splashed muddy water and every goal saved had a proof on their cloths. In no time their enthusiasm got injected in my son. He jumped in puddles splashing water on me. With a smile I let him do it. The moment I got a chance I did the same. In one splash he was wet till his waist. For few seconds he was shocked. But, in no time my child comprehended with the child in me and played sportingly.

We were wet, we were dirty, we were enjoying it but we were hungry. Just like a cherry on top of the cake we spotted a Bhuttawala in the rains. In the noise of rain drops corn cracked on charcoal lit fire. A layer of nimboo masala made it a perfect eat. We relished each bite of it. It was delicious.

It was time for me to pay for the corn. There was a problem when I fished my pocket. In all the excitement the money has got wet. The ten rupee note looked as if it was out from a torture cell. The crispiness had vanished; the strength was lost, if not carried carefully it was about to part. I dared to present it to the buttawala worrying he would only deny. But, again to my surprise he accepted it with a smile.I think and believe that the monsoon mania has taken over him, like it did to me, my son, the football players and many more whom I couldn’t see.

Tired we returned home, ate and slept like a log. We woke-up to narrate our expedition in rains to my husband, animatedly. He was shocked and surprised at the same time. He confessed he had missed the real fun. I felt sorry for the child in him; because I know it is no different than the child in me.

I am sure I will cherish those two hours for rest of life. I wish my son enjoys rains all his life and remember this day when he made the child in his mother come alive.

Rains are to enjoy and the best way is to enjoy it child-like.

Please share your best monsoon clicks.

Mail to: motherchild.ind@gmail.com, I will upload it on this blog as well as on the FB id. Thanks and enjoy monsoon!!!

Turmoil of Emotions, thanks to internet

Deepa pretty looking girl fell in love with Shyam. They worked for the same company. Deepa in IT dept and Shyam in HR. They fell in love instantly and got married immediately. Married life was perfect; frequent arguments, few fights, hugs, kisses - all for love.

On their first anniversary Deepa and Shyam has new, Good News!!! Nine months later they were blessed with a beautiful daughter. They named her Naima. Naima means “blessing” in Arabic. They were truly blessed. Deepa proved to be a dedicated, never complaining mother. She slept for few hours, spend most of her time changing/cleaning nappies, feeding and loving her baby all the time. Naima grew beautiful with each passing day. Deepa joined work while Naima stayed at a day care centre. Though Deepa spent less time with Naima she made sure it was quality time spend, leaving no reason for complaint or regret.

One fine Saturday Deepa felt quite tired early in the morning. Naima has suffered from viral fever that week; which had exhausted her. At the same time Shyam was away on work tour. She quickly fixed up some lunch and played with Naima till late afternoon, waited for the evening when Shyam would return.

After lunch Deepa switched on her PC. She was quite a fine observer. She looked surprised, later her facial muscles tensed which relax the moment Naima cried “mamma”. She was done with her potty. After cleaning and putting her to sleep Deepa furiously browsed her PC, checking pages of websites. After some time she gave up. Turned off her PC and she lay by Naima. She wept bitterly, thinking of what she has read. Peptic ulcer, cancer……. 

Evening passed, night arrived; Shyam was late. Naima has just slept, when Deepa thought of browsing the internet again. Her search was wider this time, new sites were checked. Then she read, “non-steroid drug…….”. She was crying by now.  

The doorbell rang and Deepa ran towards the door, expecting Shyam on the other side. There he was smiling, expecting a warm hug. Instead Deepa cried like a baby. She was hysterical. They managed to sit, and Deepa narrated the entire story of what has happened after lunch, sobbing. “ Naima’s  stool was odd in colour. I checked for information on internet. I read, it is a sign of peptic ulcer or cancer. The odd colour is because of blood presence in the stool”. Shyam was horrified. He could not believe his ears. He tried but could not stop his tears from rolling down. Deepa continued to sob. He could she her lips moving but could not hear her. He ran towards the bedroom and sat staring at Naima.

 

Shyam! Shyam! Deepa cried. Listen to me. That’s when Shyam hear her. Deepa continued, “Just now I came across information which states that use of non-steroid drug may result in odd coloured stool. Last week Naima was treated with non-steroid drug for her fever. She is fine.” 

 They hugged and kissed and continued to weep till Naima woke up from sleep. Realizing how it feels to see your child suffer from a life threatening disease. At the same time thanking God that they are not amongst those unlucky parents.

 

Moral of the story

• Internet is a vast expanse of information which is subjective and relative. Do not conclude from the information. Do not Panic.
• Living every moment is life. Live It!

Vacation A Curse?

Vacation! The word itself pronounces Bliss. As a child we loved it, even today we love to cherish each moment of it.

The scenario changes drastically when, as a mother we have to entertain our kids during their vacations.

Tell me; in a day how many times did you scold your child? I am sure during vacation it is more than usual. Why? You know the answer. Don’t you! Daily routine goes haphazard, their demands sounds annoying. But, who is to blame?

When we were kids our society was family centric. Joint family was more common and bonding with cousins was also strong. Time use to fly then. Today, most of us have nuclear family. It is “hum do hamara ek”. Let’s see how are we handling the situation?

•   Working parents choose to admit their child in summer camps.
•  Enroll kids to various activity classes like: cricket, drawing, dance, computers etc.
•  Spend some days vacationing at holiday spots.
•   Few days spent with grandparents, uncle or aunty.

In all the options mentioned, note that, most of the time is spent at Home. And we wish school begins soon so that we can get back to our comfortable routine.

This vacation try a different approach.Enjoy vacation with kids at home.

HOW?

•   Strictly follow routine. Wake up time, breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner.
•   Jolt down 6 time consuming activities for each day. E.g. gardening, cooking, craft etc.
•   Download entertaining videos with educational values.
•   Enroll in one of extracurricular activity class.
•   Buy couple of games like blocks, mechanix, clay etc.
•   Make days schedule. Wherein you decide which time you will spend with your kid and when you would like to rest.

Illustration:

•   Let your child watch some TV after morning breakfast.
•   After breakfast let the child go to activity class. Or engage your child in some activity like gardening, craft or play.
•   Lunch later nap.
•   Snacks.
•   Outdoor playtime.
•   Indoor games.
•   Interaction with elders or help with cooking
•   Dinner time.
•   Watch downloaded videos, TV time or reading.
•   Brushing teeth before going to sleep.

The series of activity has to be tailor-made because we all are unique.

Scheduling will help in many ways

1.       You and your child will spend quality time together.

2.       Routine will make your child disciplined

3.       Interaction will strengthen bond.

4.       You will have definite time slot for yourself.

There are advantages of vacation routine, think about it. You have a choice either to be a struggling mom or a smart mom. What do you want to be?